Certainly, it’s no secret that grad students have this immense pressure to be working around the clock. Evenings, weekends, holidays; if we aren’t working, we must be falling behind. If we fall behind, we must not be working hard enough. Isn’t it ironic that after years of working with lab rats, we seem to become lab rats ourselves?
I used to feel this way constantly and undeniably still do sometimes. When I started my master’s, I had an intense sense of curiosity and love for learning. I celebrated the rare occasions when experiments worked as though they were as glorified as the Leafs making the playoffs. But when the experiments weren’t working (and, coming from someone who wrote an entire master’s thesis based on negative results, the experiments don’t work more often than they do), I felt like my input must be the problem… Because input is directly related to output, right? So, I worked longer hours, evenings, weekends, holidays. As my time spent in the lab increased, my mental wellness decreased. And as my mental wellness decreased, I began to lose my sense of curiosity and love for learning. I stopped celebrating the anomalies. Eventually, I didn’t even like my project anymore.
My outlook is different now. I still work some evenings, but not all of them. I refuse to work weekends unless there is an extremely important deadline I need to meet. I take breaks when they’re warranted; without them, my stress overwhelms me, and I can’t perform at my best. Although my research is one very important part of who I am, and I certainly attribute it as part of my identity, I am so much more than my research. I am a hiker with a love for camping – I know that I’m happiest when I have a cup of wine in my hand while sitting in front of a campfire and looking up at the stars. I am a reader who revels in the suspense of a good book – yes, reading for pleasure can still exist as a grad student. I am a goalie who has reclaimed the thrill of having pucks shot at me. I am a daughter and a sister, recognizing that there is nothing like family (dys)functions to make you appreciate academia and all its caveats.
I’m midway through the third year of my PhD. I take breaks. I am not behind. And I am delighted to say that I am still passionate about my research. The truth of the matter is this: we are more than lab rats. While most of us are incredibly passionate about our research, our research is only one part of who we are. So aside from your research, what makes you, you?