In week 8 of the final semester of my undergraduate degree, my partner of 4 years and I decided to end our relationship. We were both struggling with burnout and with our mental health, and it got to the point where we were dragging each other down and no longer made each other happy. Our lives were moving in different directions, so despite still loving each other very much, we made the difficult decision to end things. Nobody knew that we had been having a hard time, so EVERYONE in my life was completely shocked.
After the breakup, I was devastated. This was the most profound loss I had ever been through in my life. It seems a little silly describing it now, lots of people go through breakups and it doesn’t impact everyone that much. But I had been with him since before I was even an adult. It felt like a huge part of myself had died. I had lost my main companion. I went through a depressive period for a couple of months following it.
I relied A LOT on my family and friends (as well as mental health services) to get through the initial period following the breakup. However, since I was struggling so deeply at this time, I had no energy to give back to them. I felt like I was only taking and never giving in my remaining relationships, which made me feel guilty. In addition, I was volatile and unpredictable, so my loved ones never knew what to expect when talking with me, which was hard on them as well. They were compassionate as they knew I was going through a hard time, but it was still difficult. I also felt guilt about everything I had done in the relationship to cause issues.
But I still felt hopeful – I knew the pain would eventually pass and I looked forward to that happening – I knew I wouldn’t feel this way forever (it didn’t make it less painful, but I did have hope). As time passed things got easier. To be honest, I don’t know what the specific turning point was. Life just had to go on, and as things happened, it became less and less painful. It still does hurt, even to this day. But now that it has been a while, I have grown a lot from it since then. I have also spent time fostering and investing in my remaining (and new) relationships, focusing on myself, and re-building my life without him, which has all really helped me in moving on.
In conclusion, breakups suck. They’re extremely painful and hard and it never feels like the right time. But there is hope, you will be okay, and the pain will get easier until it eventually ends. Now, I can see that the breakup was the best decision I could have made. I learned that, if a situation is making you unhappy, you can change it, even if that change will be painful. I have also learned that I am more resilient than I imagined. Once I got over the initial shock, I took steps to make my life what I wanted it to be, on my terms. I focused on my health, my mental wellbeing, my physical fitness, and my academic/professional career. This has helped me feel not only whole again, but better than I ever did during that relationship. I am living how I want.
~ Maddie, recent alumni